ohoho

It has been raining all day and my hair looks like an afro.


But I talked Stephanie into reading Otomen so I think today is pretty much still a huge plus.

Starry☆Sky～in Summer～ OP

Opening for Starry☆Sky～in Summer～ has been released! If you're a loser like me, you'll have pre-ordered it by now.

One thing that's kind of depressing about the general fandom, though, is that since it's a drama CD collection a majority of people like it strictly because of the voice actors. And since I'm relatively new to coming back to anime/manga/etc. fandoms, I don't really care about voice actors at all. Or, more like, just don't know much about them, since I'm too busy taking in other information I'm more interested in. So instead of being into the voices, I'm mostly a fan of the CDs and games because I like the character designs and the horoscope-personalities concept. And it helps, of course, that the boys are cute.

But anyway, I'm super excited for the release of the ～in Summer～ game. I've got an odd interest in Kinose, even though I know relatively little about his character. What can I say--he has an interesting haircut. Plus he seems to have a cute rivalry relationship with Miyaji, which could be interesting.

Day 003: Mourning

I guess we all had trouble sleeping last night, since we were all awake by eight. Which is something that almost never happens in this house.

Steph and I went and had breakfast at McDonald's, and then we went to the convenience store to get flowers for Tucker's grave. However, they no longer carry flowers? So we got some drinks and donuts.

And then we got home, and a religious solicitor came by our house and talked about how great it feels to be born again.

So much has been happening on this dreary day and it isn't even noon yet.

Day 002: Bye my friend.

Goodbye, Tucker. We loved you very much. Having to put you to sleep is the most painful thing I've ever had to do in all my adult life.

Day 001: Starting Over

Today's tasks:
➝ Tidy up desk
➝ Laundry
➝ Get some pictures developed
➝ Properly sort new manga
➝ Sweep and bring out trash

I felt it was about time I picked this blog back up and dusted it off. I've been feeling guilty about abandoning it just because of laziness, and it's nice to have a place to talk about my day without worrying if I'm being too boring or not. Besides, it's summer--who doesn't love taking photographs of summer scenery?

(Even while saying that, the above picture is from indoors...)

I really have nothing interesting to say half the time.

I thought I should post, since the last time I wrote on this blog was, like... twenty days ago?

So. Here you go.

New post.

Song of the Day

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Song of the Day

mp3: Art Brut/Nag Nag Nag Nag

I also really love their song Pump Up The Volume. It's all generally pop-y and mindless, yet still talented. Fun music all around.

And so. No.

Sometimes I can't decide if I love Christmas or if I hate it. I can get really into buying things and giving things, and helping people decorate. But the music is nauseating, I can't stand the blatant materialism (hypocrite? who, me?) and I dislike the fake jolly atmosphere that the stores feed off of. It's like a million animals all trying to get to the troth at the same time.

But then I wonder if it really matters. I spend so much time in life wondering how I feel about certain things that I forget to just feel half the time. Maybe it doesn't really matter what I like or don't like. Maybe if I stopped wondering about this constantly I'd actually get more living done.

Maybe not everything about me is as black and white as I want it to seem.

I guess I just wanted to show off my cup.

Sorry, its been a while! I've just been way too lazy to take pictures that are worth posting here, and so didn't feel like it would be appropriate to make a post.

...haha and now, sitting here in front of the computer, I honestly can't think of anything to write.

On letting things go.

If someone were to ask me for one thing in the world that I find bittersweet, the answer would definitely be this: writing descriptions for my fostered cats.

One one hand, I really enjoy it. I like anything that forces me to write in a semi-creative fashion. I can get cute with them, try to draw the reader in by being funny, but at the same time everything is based on facts (no matter how embellished). It's an informative short essay, written with the intent to sell. And written about a subject a care about with every part of my being. I like writing the descriptions because I'm writing about an animal I love very much. I remember things while I write them--like that time Mocha (who has since been adopted out) made a blanket taco just to wedge herself somewhere warm, or when Adachi (who has also since been adopted out) would absolutely refuse to sleep anywhere aside from in bed, under the covers, with me. It's fun.

But as I said, the description is written with an intent to sell. I only write them when our cats officially go "up for adoption"--meaning, we're starting to get serious about getting the cat a new, "forever" home. A home where the owner isn't just buying more and more extra time. A home where the owner won't constantly be worried about how damn attached they are to the animal, because the animal will always be their companion anyway.

There are times when I want to write "This cat is super stinky! Beware! S/he will claw up all of your furniture and puke on the rag carpeting and s/he never, I repeat, NEVER, uses the litter box!" Because no one will buy a cat with such a bad description, even if they take it as a joke. And then the cat will come back "home" to me, where I'm 100% sure he or she will be loved and well cared for. When they go out into the world I'm like a pitiful worried mom, wondering if the house they go to will feed them the canned food that they love so much, and if they'll have enough toys and the buyers won't grow bored with them and neglect them after a while (which, let's face it, happens sadly often with pets--especially around the holiday season, when they're given as "last-minute" surprise gifts that are boring after the surprise wears off and the responsibility sets in).

I just hear so many horror stories lately in animal rescue circles. Animals getting tortured and killed as if they aren't even living things. If there is any sad story I just can't listen to all the way through, it's something like that.

Asher, Bear, Lacey, Blazer, Tucker, Gohan, and Goku are going to start heading over to Pet Adoption Days every other weekend. Krillin might, as well, but he's so skittish that it would almost be pointless--no one would be able to connect with him, anyway. He still needs a lot of work. The first five will probably get adopted remotely quickly. They've grown into pretty outgoing, friendly cats. There's a chance they might grow standoffish in the cages, but I mostly doubt it.

But anyway, I was working on some descriptions for when we bring them this Saturday. And while writing happy, fun things about Bear was enjoyable, I couldn't help but also start crying. Because I love the idea of taking care of cats and getting them ready for houses of people who'll love and care for them, but it's still painful to let go of something you love. It really does leave a huge hole when each cat goes away--each one with its own great personality.

If there's possibly anything more bittersweet than writing out these descriptions, it's probably just fostering in general. You pour all of your love and affection into them, and then you let them go. But at least there are always the memories and the hope that a loving family was able to pick up an amazing life-long companion.

An actual title goes here.

Sometimes I think the fact that I read so many (fiction and nonfiction) books about Japan or Japanese citizens or non-Japanese citizens in Japan is food for my fear of actually setting up connections and getting my own ass over to the little eastern island country. Because when I read these books, it almost feels like I'm living there through the characters or nonfiction authors or whomever the tale is being told through. Yeah, it isn't nearly as good as actually going to Japan and experiencing everything first-hand, but I'm so ridiculously afraid of social situations and breaking free from my old habits that I guess sometimes these books feel like the closest thing I'll actually ever have to living there.

But anyway, while I think that over, I'll just do yet another amazon search through books about Japan et al. even though I already have a ridiculous amount. Maybe someday I'll have enough so that the amount of words will be enough to match my awkward fascination with the country.

Post #0003

Over at Poupee Girl--the only place online I've been going to on a semi-regular basis lately--I've gotten really good at the Piyo Game. When I first joined Poupee everyone said to not play it because, if you accidentally hit a balloon too soon, you get shitty, worthless prizes. But now that I know all the cheats, I've really made a good bit of profit. I can play the game for 30Ribs, and then usually sell away my items for around 70Ribs. So it's a 40Rib profit per win, as I usually don't keep the items myself. None of them really fit my tastes. And besides, I have to find a way to save up for the upcoming winter events, since I don't feel comfortable spending money on this game when, in reality, it's pretty much a choice between pixel pants for an animated avatar, or pants for myself.

Not really a hard choice.

(Also, sorry that it's a screencap instead of a photo today--but isn't Piyo Game at sunset kind of pretty?)

Post #0002

When I was a kid, my best friend Ally and I would run around with the older boys on the playground during recess. There was this group of boys who were one year above us, and they carried this red felt-tip pen around that we dubbed "Red Pen Man." Really, at this point I have no clue what made us call it that or create its very own storyline. Anyway we'd decided that pen was evil, and so they started also carrying around a blue felt-tip pen, or "Blue Pen Man." Blue Pen Man was our hero, and fought Red Pen Man on a regular basis.

At some point, obviously, we stopped playing that game. I don't remember any of the details. I just remember Red Pen Man and Blue Pen Man--the devil and the savior in pen form.

It seems like those are the two necessities of any proper story.

Post #0001

Had a really nice Thanksgiving, shockingly. Tomorrow morning, shopping.

Post #0000

I figured, what the heck, may as well start using this blog again. I'll still try to post every day, and I will post a picture with every post, but I'm going to stop numbering and logging every post I make (and back-track, ect.). I don't need stress just because I missed a day/week/MONTH. I know that's the point, but I think Project365 was meant for more "serious" photography than my simple "take a picture of something and post it with a comment" way of doing things. Perhaps someday I'll really get in the groove of photography and give it another whirl, but for now I'll just take pictures and hope that every once in a while I'll take something stunning. I still need to get to know my camera better, anyway.

Lately, I... don't know. Usually you can sum up your "lately" with a word or phrase, such as "lately I've been lethargic" or "lately I've been reading a lot and working on my knitting." But it has literally been almost two weeks since I properly blogged or wrote a personal journal entry, so "lately I've been ____" doesn't exactly cut it. I've cleaned, I've picked up and put down books, I've hid from relatives in my room, I've watched an entire season of One Tree Hill, I've watched some porn, I've taken pictures, I've shopped, and I've dawdled around on Poupee Girl, I eaten fast food, I've felt sick, I've thought up and nixed short story plots. I've felt low, high, ecstatic, angry, giddy, moody, sad, blank, exhausted. I may not be a very social person, but I've been doing a lot of things, feeling a lot of things. I've started drawing again. I've been trying to read Twilight but the prose is truly awful and I'm stalled on page seventeen. I've gotten mad about politics. I've been excited to be alive. I've wanted to fall off the face of the Earth.

Today was one of those days, though, where I've felt so low that I was inspired to better myself. Well, just in the last hour, anyway, while lying in bed and doodling in my journal. I've felt lonely and angry at people who're supposed to be my friends and kind of exhausted with living. And sometimes when I feel that way, instead of contemplating how great it would be to just disappear forever (not suicide so much as having never existed, or having the ability to just vanish--there is a difference between being dead and being gone, technically speaking, but I'll save that for another post?), I try to get to the root of my issues.

I've mostly been thinking about the internet, what it means to me, the effect it has on my life, etc. Because lately I've been vaguly contemplating leaving the internet altogether--erasing my existence from online completely. Because I think the internet often makes it "okay" for me to run away from things. I often hide certain parts of myself because, due to my "internet personality," I have the ability to do so. I can split myself in two. Online I am happy-go-lucky nerd Japanophile politically suave Ami. So in real life I'm conservative, quiet, meek, feminine and shy Amy. And though I feel the split, I'm feeding both versions of me and that keepos me from feeling hollow about the whole disconnect.

And somehow, after a quite lengthy though process (one day, it would be interesting to sit in front of the computer and just type up every single thing that goes through my head), I came to the conclusion that the thing that is most wrong with me, which causes all of my problems, is my lacking confidence. Because I actually do that often--sit down and think about a problem, and them think it through to its core.

What can I do about my lacking confidence? First, I can start writing again. That'll make me feel better about my work ethic. Second, I can drop the friends who make me feel like shit about myself the majority of the time. Three, I can get my license and save up for (and buy) a car. I would definitely feel more self-reliant then. Four, I can get a job and move the fuck out of here. Five, I can try to talk to perfect strangers and thus make some more friends who I'll hopefully get close to and thus not have to rely on friendships with people who make me feel like a lesser individual.

ANYWAY. This is getting incredibly long and I should maybe try to get some more sleep. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and anyone who knows me at all knows full well that this is the most stressful holiday as far as my nutty family goes. Please pray for me, for tomorrow I may soon be dead.

Day 45: Minnesota State Fair

Spent the day at the fair with Stephanie. Ate way too much, got incredibly sunburned, hopefully walked off some of the weight gain. And now I just want to sleep forever.

Day 44: Big money man.

So that is what $5000 in cash looks like? Huh.

Day 43: Vroom Vroom Activism.

A fake car at the Midtown Multi-cultural Market in Minneapolis. The bumper stickers are lovely.

Day 42: The best food ever.

The other day I took one of those online surveys where they pay you for your input. They asked me my favorite food, but I couldn't answer honestly because "Japanese food" wasn't on there.